Don't sit on the baby: What do I do all day?

People ask me this a lot. Here's the answer.

phrases that have actually come out of my mouth:

*Don't play with garbage. Stop! You can't eat it either!
*If we get a pet we will have to get rid of the kids, do you want to live outside in box far away from our house with no Mommy and Daddy?
*We don't eat dirty diapers! Here, play with this clean one...
*Yes, that queen ant is really cool, now we have to kill her.
*Candy is not for breakfast. Have a marshmallow instead.
*Don't eat anymore playdough, it's time for dinner.
*No, you can't call Funniest Home Videos or call to set up your own 529 Savings Plan, you're only 6, you have to be 18.
*Did you just throw a brain at me? Go to time out, we don't throw brains.
*No, we don't eat snow that has come off of the bottom of people's shoes.
*We don't eat pieces of the Christmas Tree.

*Don't ride your cousin.

*You shouldn't stick your head in the toilet just because someone dares you.

*Please don't lick your sister. Stop! I said not to lick your sister!!

*French Fries are made from potatoes so they count as our vegetable tonight.