Don't sit on the baby: What did your husband get you for having a baby?

Mine got me this fancy new microwave. We used to have one on the counter. He even installed it all by himself! Way to go, Dave!

phrases that have actually come out of my mouth:

*Don't play with garbage. Stop! You can't eat it either!
*If we get a pet we will have to get rid of the kids, do you want to live outside in box far away from our house with no Mommy and Daddy?
*We don't eat dirty diapers! Here, play with this clean one...
*Yes, that queen ant is really cool, now we have to kill her.
*Candy is not for breakfast. Have a marshmallow instead.
*Don't eat anymore playdough, it's time for dinner.
*No, you can't call Funniest Home Videos or call to set up your own 529 Savings Plan, you're only 6, you have to be 18.
*Did you just throw a brain at me? Go to time out, we don't throw brains.
*No, we don't eat snow that has come off of the bottom of people's shoes.
*We don't eat pieces of the Christmas Tree.

*Don't ride your cousin.

*You shouldn't stick your head in the toilet just because someone dares you.

*Please don't lick your sister. Stop! I said not to lick your sister!!

*French Fries are made from potatoes so they count as our vegetable tonight.